I'm tired of being forced to make artwork for my classes. I'm just so fucking sick of it. I had a meeting with my teacher for Core today, and he liked my idea, but wanted me to approach it from a different way. If I do that, then what I really want to do won't happen anymore.

Demonstrative vs. Illustrative

I'm supposed to be demonstrative, I have to demonstrate my idea. I can't be illustrative, I can't illustrate my idea. What the fuck? I have never heard these two terms in the art world, but this is the best way I can understand it in my own mind:

I think of something that would be a really cool idea for a project. I make it, and it's cool and everything, but it lacks the meaning and concept.

My teacher wants concept-driven work. I don't think that's going to work for me. The last time I tried to come up with a concept, and then execute it into something physical, it didn't work out as well as I would have liked because my soul wasn't all that into it. How can I make something the way he wants me to, if I don't want to follow his process?

My idea already has a concept. A good one, and I think it may be the best idea I've gotten lately because I have a concept and an execution all planned out. But I feel like since the concept wasn't there in the beginning, then everybody is basically gonna think that it sucks...

I need to get out of here, that's basically what I'm trying to say. In the end, I think I'm just tired of creating work because someone tells me to do it. I don't want to do that. My heart and soul won't be in it if this is the case. I think that I will make my best work when I'm not doing it for some stupid class, that's trying to teach me how to do it.

I NEED to get out of here. NEED!

I don't know where I'll go. Texas maybe, I think I'd be pretty happy there. I just want to be happy. Is a BFuckingA gonna help me in the future? Sure, it would be nice to have one, and show that I've accomplished something, but will it make me happy? Will it make me a better artist??

One of my teachers, I won't say which one, paints all these abstract blobs and combinations of color, which are supposed to be symbolic of her "maternal" side, or something like that. Am I here to paint abtract little blobs?? Nooooooo... (Not that I have anything wrong with abstract art, or minimalists, I just don't want to do that kind of stuff)

I don't even know why exactly I'm here... I just know that I need to get out. ASAP.